Friday, September 19, 2003
Well I'm buggering off on holiday. Will be back on the 3rd. See ya all then.
Hooker 6:17 PM
Insults Here
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Well, this, just made my day.
Hooker 5:42 PM
Insults Here
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
I think there should be a consumer complaints division in this country for crap ads. And I'm not talking about those ads with the ambiguities that mislead the consumers; I'm talking about the ones that are down right crap. The ones you say, 'that was the stupidest thing I've ever seen,' right after seeing them.
Apparently we are allowed to be offended by an ad if we feel it's been misleading or racist or misrepresentative or sexist or violent or blah blah blah. But what if the uncreative, crapness of an ad offends me, I can't complain about it. I can whine to friends about it, but I can't have it pulled off air because it's shite and irritating. And if I hear one more advertising/marketing person say, 'we're into sales, not entertainment,' I'll fucking slap their faces silly. They should disbar advertising agencies for doing crap ads.
Anyway, the next time you see a stupid ad on TV or in print or in etc, phone the company's marketing department and complain. I can tell you now; if they feel that their precious consumers are unhappy, they'll start to change things. And perhaps the next brief into their ad agency might be, '...it would seem that our consumers find our current ad boring and lame. We need a new one, one that doesn't make them ill in their bums.'
Hooker 4:17 PM
Insults Here
There is a certain equilibrium within this world which keeps every thing in place. Mother Nature plays her role in keeping the fluffy animals in place and when it comes to my life, The Matthew Effect is there to assure my capital gain is kept to a minimal, for as The Matthew Effect simply states; the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. And the more I attempt to prove the great equilibrium wrong, the more it succeeds in proving itself right, for I have lifetime tickets to the cheap seats.
Anyway, this week's Tagboard Topic
Hooker 9:37 AM
Insults Here
Thursday, September 11, 2003
The Return of the Soul of Darkness - Part VI
I woke up the following morning, after having had a nightmare about turning into a deer and getting chased by the Big Bad wolf. It was a stupid dream because the Big Bad Wolf is not as bad as he's made out to be and is rumoured to give large amounts of money to disadvantaged animals and sees someone on a regular basis about his slight badness.
Anyway I ignored the dream and got dressed in Keanu's Matrix outfit (and I must add I looked far better in the kit than he did) and loaded up my guns, brushed my teeth and left the house before any of the bears woke up. I decided not to take the car to The School for Other People kids but rather instead, opted for a nice walk. The voices in my head had died down a bit which made my stroll through the forest a lot more enjoyable. I had, at first when I woke, decided to go and sort the shit with Red Ridding Hood and the Three Little Pigs out but later thought, 'fuckit, let me rather get The Soul of Darkness thing out of the way before dealing with anyone else's problems.'
The School for Other People's Kids hadn't changed at all. It still had all it's warmth and charm and it seemed to hold its hands lovingly out to me as I approached.....NOT! It looked like shit and was run down and overgrown with plants and the desolation and lack of unhappy kids gave the whole place an added eeriness. The schools obvious demise put a happy smile on my face but the distant voices in my head sang a painful requiem for those who once attended the school. I picked up an old decaying newspaper that lay in the dirt and mud. Its Headlines and articles documented the schools fall and the deaths of all its children at the hands of two nasty redhead children called Hooker Bastard and Jenny-Anne Newton. I threw the newspaper down and made my way through the vine-covered entrance to the school. The interior was musty, damp and dark and the walls and floors were rotting away. Children's lunch boxes, clothing and pictures lay dirty and muddied on the floor. I lit a cigarette, drank some whiskey and yawned. I wasn't quit sure this was the best place to start looking for The Soul of Darkness, but I had to start somewhere. I made my way through the debris to the outside play area. I was once again confronted by decaying playthings; rusted swings, weed infested sandpits. The Sand Pit. I walked over to the sandpit where Jenny and I were jailed. It seemed less daunting and intimidating but still brought back memories of hatefulness and anger. I drank some whiskey. A monotonous, creaking sound behind me caught my attention and I turned round to see an old woman sitting on a rocking chair, on the school porch, rocking to and fro, and staring blankly into the forest.
I walked over to her and said, 'hey old person, what's up?'
She turned her head slowly towards me and answered in a soft, laboured voice, 'I'm waiting,' and turned back to stare at the forest.
'That's nice,' I said, 'for anything in particular?'
She didn't answer.
I took a drag from my smoke and held my bottle of whiskey out to her, 'want some whiskey?'
She didn't answer and I waved my hand in front of her face in an attempt to get another response.
I stood on the porch for a while longer, drank some more whiskey and smoked two more cigarettes.
'Well it's been nice chatting to ya but I must be off, got lots to do today.'
I began to walk away when the old woman spoke.
'Do you know what time the school finishes?'
'I think at one o' clock.'
'Oh, OK,' she said, 'just waiting for my boy to finish at school, clever boy he is.'
'Your kid went to this school,' I asked?
'Yes,' she answered, slowly nodding her head, 'his name is Tony. Very clever boy.'
'Your boy's name is Tony? I know Tony,' I replied between my teeth.
The old woman turned her head towards me again,' you know Tony. He's a very clever boy. Do you know when he's going to finish school?'
I drank some whiskey and puffed my smoke, then said, 'well he's finished school for good, 'cause he's dead.'
'Oh,' replied the old woman, 'so he'll be by soon then. Very clever boy.'
I yawned again, 'whatever floats your boat old woman but Tony was a cunt and I'm glad he's dead.'
I noticed a tin bucket sitting next to her rocking chair. It was filled with rocks and stones, so I asked her,' what's the stones for?'
'She turned to answer me, 'it's for feeding that young man who comes by here. There are no pigeons to feed so I feed him.'
'You feed him stones? What's his name,' I asked?
'He won't tell me. Every time I ask him for his name he calls me, fuck head.'
It didn't take me too long to fugure who she was feeding.
'Aah Fuck Head. I would have thought he'd be dead from stupidity by now.'
I picket up the bucket of stones and drank some whiskey.
'Thanks for your time old woman but I've got better things to do.'
I thought perhaps it would be a good time to pay Gordon (Fuck Head) a visit for old time sake. Even though I didn't really want to see him, I though that perhaps he may have some information on the whereabouts of The Soul of Darkness. With whiskey, smokes and a bucket of stones in hand, I began my trip into the forest.
The old woman called out from behind me, 'he doesn't know what time the school finishes either.'
'Whatever'
Hooker 9:56 AM
Insults Here
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
So the interview went better than I thought. Didn't even get the chance to beg. What has the world come to when a young, oldish person like myself is denied his right to beg.
Anyway, I don't think I'll get the job, it went far too well.
Hooker 9:42 AM
Insults Here
Monday, September 08, 2003
So off to another interview today. Don't think this one will pan out too well but I'm gonna give it a bash anyway. I wish getting a job was as easy as it was in my dads days: Find a company you want to work for; Find out who runs the company; Kidnap his wife and kids; Talk about salary and starting date. Kids of yesterday had it so easy.
So what do you all think of this approach to my interview: Pleeeeeeeeeeeease give me a job. PLEASE. PLEEEEEEEEASE GIVE ME A JOB, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE WHERE I WORK. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB. I WISH I WERE DEAD FROM AIDS MY LIFE IS SO BAD. SO PLEASE, I'M FUCKING BEGGING YOU PLEASE...GIVE ME A JOB...please.
Not sure about ending off with the last please bit but other than that, I think it may work?
Hooker 2:19 PM
Insults Here
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
I'm thinking of buying some property in La La Land
Hooker 4:24 PM
Insults Here
Monday, September 01, 2003
I hate spring, it’s so indecisive.
Hooker 4:45 PM
Insults Here
OK, tell me this is not a job option:
• Buy gun
• Randomly and indiscriminately kill people in the street (and perhaps a few current work colleges)
• Go to jail
Go to jail. It’s been staring me in the face this whole time. How could I have missed it?
The Perks:
• Accommodation for the rest of my life.
• A steady relationship (sure it will be a guy but then again I do get butt fucked every day at work, kinda used to it)
• No financial worries
• No rent to pay
• No Tax
• Get to kill more people (hey, I’m in for life, what they gonna do? Start an afterlife sentence?)
• Food on my plate every day.
Anyway the list goes on. I feel better now that I know my options are open.
Hooker 2:54 PM
Insults Here
Where did it all go wrong?
Hooker 2:54 PM
Insults Here
Damn comment things not working again. Anyway, do beggars really think that, 'Will Work for Food', is an appealing proposition? Does that mean if I take one of those guys up on their offer, my shopping list is gonna look like, 'Buy Food for Yourself and Beggar.' What do beggars like? Dog food? Caviar? Chocolate? Seems like a bit of a mission to me. I struggle picking out food for myself, yet alone a beggar. Would it not be easier to just give him some bucks and say, 'go buy your own food.' But then I'd be giving him money and not food and most probably be in breach of contract.
Well I suppose they wouldn't do it if it didn't work. Perhaps I should try that as my new job-hunting approach. 'Cept perhaps I could customise it a bit for advertising, maybe: 'Will Work on Food Accounts.'
Hooker 2:10 PM
Insults Here
So I went for an interview the other day. It went kinda OK. However the dude who interviewed me obviously thinks I'm some sort of bitch he picked up on the weekend 'cause he hasn't called me back (as he said he would) to let me know if I have the job or not. His deadline was Friday, do I presume that means, 'no you don't have the job (which is most likely the case)', or is it he may be trapped under something heavy and can't get to the phone. Anyway if he doesn't call, I'm gonna start lodging ASA (Advertising Standards Authority) complains against any work his company does or get him turned into a Deer and have his ass shot, come hunting season.
PS the weekend was great, lots of beer, strippers and beer.
Hooker 11:34 AM
Insults Here
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